An Autobot Should Know Better
by swift hunter
Summary: You’d think an Autobot would know better than to push Ratchet's buttons. Obviously a certain Mech wasn’t there when they handed out that particular memo.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Transformers. Really, I don't!

**Summary: **You'd think an Autobot would know better than to push Ratchet's buttons. Obviously a certain Mech wasn't there when they handed out that particular memo.

**Rating:** T. It's unusual for me but there's nothing bad in this oneshot.

**Authors Note: **Just came up with this little oneshot. I always love the dynamic between two stubborn personalities. Heck, they can't get any more stubborn than Ironhide and Ratchet.

* * *

**An Autobot Should Know Better**

"YOU PITSPAWNED LITTLE SLAGGER!!"

The ground seemed to vibrate beneath the feet of the Human soldiers on base, but they ignored it. They ignored the dozens of insects scurrying around, dazed by the tremors and they ignored the roars of frustration and indignation that broke the air of an otherwise silent afternoon.

It obviously wasn't the first time they'd been present during one of Ironhide's checkups. Only this time Ironhide wasn't the one throwing the tantrum.

"You rusted bucket of _slag_!!" Ratchet roared as he flung yet another medical tool at the somewhat pleased weapons specialist who coyly darted to the side.

Ironhide grinned,

"What? _I_ didn't do it!"

It wouldn't take someone versed in the facial expressions of Mechs to tell that Ironhide couldn't even keep a straight face while he spoke.

Ratchet roared again,

"I am going to _weld_ your _shiny_, _waxed aft_ to the floor for this!!"

Ironhide openly chuckled only to be hit in the head with a large tool resembling a Human wrench.

He mocked an expression of shock and hurt.

"Hatchet, that was uncalled for!"

For a single second there was no sound. It was so quiet that Ironhide could actually hear a soldier outside the hangar whisper and this was quoting "I think I've got heat rash on my balls".

From the look on the CMO's face, Ironhide knew that, perhaps, he'd pushed Ratchet just a tad too far this time.

The sound of newly activated, motorised blades confirmed Ironhide's suspicions.

"Oh… slag!"

The Humans on guard duty couldn't ignore the sounds that now came from inside the hangar. The soldiers shifted uncomfortably as the sounds of blade on metal shrieked in their ears. It soon grew silent again but not for very long.

A single worried soldier was dispatched to locate Optimus Prime.

* * *

Optimus was less than pleased, and he could admit that when the soldier had told him and then made a flimsy excuse and briskly jogged in the opposite direction of the makeshift medical facilities, he could admit he was ever so slightly worried.

In the lengthy stretch of time he'd known both Ratchet and Ironhide, he wished he could say that this was their first falling out. It wasn't though. In fact he reasoned that if not for the common Decepticon enemies the two Mechs would have succumbed to their tempers and torn each other apart at certain points in time, long before this.

He gave the Cybertronian version of a sign. Ratchet should have mentioned that he wanted to perform a medical check up on Ironhide. Had he done so, then Optimus would have left someone with the pair to break up the almost inevitable fight. He only hoped and prayed to Primus that Ironhide hadn't done something overly stupid. Ratchet wasn't known for his pleasant demeanour; in fact even among the Decepticons his temper was legendary. Comrade or not, Ironhide wasn't beyond Ratchet's retaliation parameters. Not even Optimus was beyond that, Prime or not, he could not so fondly remember the threat that Ratchet had made to him regarding the recovery of a Decepticon prisoner. Ratchet had said something about Optimus finding dents in places previously unheard of if he didn't 'slag off'. Optimus had actually cautioned him about insubordination whilst Ratchet tossed every unimportant medical tool he could find at him. Most of which Optimus begrudgingly admitted, had found their target. Namely, one unimpressed Prime's head.

He stood outside the hangar for a second or two, curiously noting that the area was completely void of the previous Human soldiers. He could only hope that whatever greeted him on the other side of the hangar doors wasn't as bad as that incident that left Ironhide without his cannons. (Both of which wound up at the bottom of a backwater, jungle planet lagoon.)

The hangar doors made an awful racket as Optimus pulled them apart. He adjusted his optics in the darkness of the hangar. With the sight that greeted him on the other side he reassessed the logic that lead him to investigate. The only thought that seemed to race through his processors was somewhere along the lines of, _You've been warned before, Ironhide_.

Optimus tilted his head up to the ceiling and caught the pleading expression of his weapons specialist. The black Mech was currently welded to the ceiling of the hangar. Said hangar had been not only reinforced to support his weight, but was also much higher than even Optimus could reach. Ratchet's resourcefulness, this time around, outshone everything that Optimus had seen previous. The CMO in question wasn't present. Given the incapacitated Mech's silence, Optimus concluded that Ratchet had disabled his vocal processor before he wisely chose to vacate the vicinity.

Optimus shook his head,

"I'll assign Wheeljack and Sideswipe to cut you down." Optimus assured him.

Optimus glanced around the hangar becoming contemplative.

"I assume it _was_ you that welded Ratchet's examination table and workstation to the walls?"

Ironhide couldn't answer him. Optimus started chuckling.

"Old friend, you of all Mechs should know better."


End file.
